Robots: The Pizzaening
by geckobubbles
Summary: Events occur, involving characters. Also this is another crackfic.


It was night at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. About fifteen minutes before midnight to be exact. The three homicidal robots that stood on the stage were currently standing in a different location. Said location was Pirate Cove. Sounds that sounded similar to the kind of sounds a masturbating robot would make sounded from behind the curtains. But it probably wasn't that.

"Hey Captain Crunch!~" Chica yelled cheerfully towards the curtains, which caused the abrupt cessation of the happenationating of those sounds.

"Oh, _for the love of_..." Foxy's head then popped out from behind the curtains. "Would you just stop calling me that already?"

"Then stop biting people!" she replied happily as Bonnie stood there apathetically and Freddy sighed.

Foxy glared all glaringly and stuff. "I'll have you know that I only did that _once_! And-"

"I don't want to interrupt anything," interrupted Freddy, "but we actually have something to discuss today."

Foxy sighed an annoyed sigh. "What do you want now?"

"They've hired a new guard, so we're going to do a little something to welcome him," Freddy said all sayingly.

"With _homicide_!" Chica added excitedingly.

"There's a _new_ guard?" Foxy asked in a voice that suggested that he was annoyed. "What's the point of killing them if another one comes to replace him?"

"Don't worry about it, this one's new," Chica proclaminated. "He'll just be sitting there in his little room. But then, when he least expects it, _we'll_ be there! With _cake_!"

"Cake?"

Bonnie then held out a cake. "We baked it last night," he said with extreme apatheticallity. "The frosting is made of chocolate. And bleach. It'll kill him."

"Via _death_!" Chica then giggled quietly and enthusiastically with extreme enthusiasm.

"Well what'll happen after this one dies? Will there be another new one? And _another_ one? Will more of them just keep coming until the bloody place closes down?"

Chica gasped excitedly. "We'll get to kill _more_ of them after this? That'll be _great_!"

Foxy sighed an annoyed sigh of annoyededness. "Okay, you know what?" began Foxy, "I'm not doing this again. I'm just going to stay here. By myself. With _no one_ watching. Alright? Alright." He then went behind the curtains once more.

"Well that was pointless," Bonnie said as the three walked back to the stage.

"I'll never understand that guy. What does he even do back there anyway? He can't just be sitting there doing nothing. He's got to have _something_ to do," Freddy wondered verbally to himself and everyone else.

"Maybe he's..." Chica then looked back and forth all suspiciously, and then whispered, "..._masturbating_."

"How the fuck would he masturbate?" Bonnie questioned. "We're built to entertain kids. Why the fuck would any of us be able to masturbate?"

* * *

><p>Foxy didn't really know why he was built with a penis and the ability to experience orgasms, but he'd long since stopped questioning it.<p>

After Pirate Cove was closed down, one of the employees decided to shove a dick on him so he'd have something to do. That was years ago, and Foxy has been doing pretty much nothing other than jacking off and occasionally running at the door. And those years of masturbation were great.

And thus, Foxy had a great Monday night.

* * *

><p>It was Tuesday night. The new guard wasn't dead yet. Foxy was sitting behind the curtains of Pirate Cove and masturbating as usual. But this time, he was enjoying it more than he usually did. And that was because he didn't have to worry about trying to kill the guard, or trying to hide the fact that he was masturbating from him or any of that.<p>

And it was at that moment that a realization was realized. He hadn't been trying to hide what he was doing.

The guard could _already know_.

The guard could be already be listening to the sounds of his masturbation _right now _via the cameras.

Foxy immediately let go of his eternally erect robo-dick in horror.

"_No_..." he quietly said to himself. Also in horror. He peeked out from behind the curtains and stared at the camera. "So ye think you can watch me jack off, huh? Well I won't allow it! I won't lay a hand on me dick until you're _dead_! YOU HEAR ME YOU BLOODY LITTLE SON OF A BITCH? _YOU HEAR ME_?"

Foxy then went back behind the curtain as Freddy stared in surprise and confusion at all this.

"They better get rid of him quickly," Foxy quietly said to himself.

* * *

><p>It was Sunday night, at around almost midnight or so. Freddy, Bonnie, and Chica stood on the stage talking to themselves.<p>

"I just don't get it," said Freddy, "how have we not killed him yet? He was supposed to have no idea what to do."

"He wouldn't even eat that cake..." Chica said sadly.

"It's obviously those messages the last guy left. The new guy would be fucking dead by now without those goddamn messages," inputtedized Bonnie.

"But he _still_ should have messed up by now! Managed the power poorly, forgotten to check a door, _something _that would have let us kill him!"

It was right after that moment that the guard arrived at the restaurant. And he brought a toolbox with him.

"Hey, don't mind me, just gonna tamper with you guys a bit to make you _really_ dangerous," the guard said as he began to tamper with the robots.

Once he finished fiddling around with all the animatronics, he went off to the office to start his shift. Freddy stood there all surprised and stuff.

"Did he just... did he _really_ just..." Freddy wordified in shock at the events that had just occurred.

"_What the fuck_?" said Bonnie, who was also rather surprised at it.

"Ooh, he's making it _easier_!" Chica declared excitedly. "Let's go _murder him_! Come on!" Chica then wandered off the stage.

* * *

><p>Foxy was really not happy. He was sex deprived, bored, and now he'd been<em> tampered with<em>. He just sat there. Thinking. Getting angrier and angrier. It was now around two-something in the morning, and Foxy was extremely angry.

"_That's it_..." he said in a voice that suggested he was at least mildly annoyed and at most absolutely infuriated. "I have had _ENOUGH OF THIS_!"

He pushed aside the curtains as dramatically as possible and ran down the west hall.

The door then immediately slammed down right when he was about to reach the office.

"NO! _NO_!" Foxy screamed as he violently pounded at the door. A lot. He continued screaming and pounding at the door for like twenty minutes.

He eventually gave up, and turned away from the door frustratedly.

But then the power suddenly went out.

Foxy leaped into the room in a very dramatic way.

"_YO HO HO_, YOU BLOODY PIECE OF SHIT!" screamed Foxy with the fury of a very angry and sex deprived robot pirate fox. The guard also screamed, except this scream was a terrified scream of terror with the fury of absolutely nothing. And the absolutely nothing was terrified.

"SO YOU LIKE WATCHING ME JACK OFF, _HUH_?" he yelled even more as the guard was starting to wonder what was going on. "WELL, WHY DON'T I SHOW YOU HOW IT FEELS THEN?"

The guard just stared at him with a face that suggested that he was experiencing a mixture of fear and what's best described as "what the fuck."

That face did nothing to make Foxy leave. "WELL? _WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR_? _PULL DOWN YOUR BLOODY TROUSERS AND FUCK YOURSELF_!"

So the guard was forced to masturbate while Foxy angrily watched until six AM.

Shortly after this started, the other three animatronics stood in the west hall, watching this rather unexpected occurence.

"Well, this is fucking happening," said Bonnie with some amount of surprise, "looks like you were right, Chica."

"_I knew it_," Chica quietly stated.

Freddy kind of just stood there in shock. "..._what the hell is going on here_?"

* * *

><p>It was the next night. The guard had survived, but also got fired for tampering with the animatronics and masturbating for around three to four hours. They hadn't replaced him yet, so on this night they could do whatever they want. And what Foxy wanted was to get back to masturbating, so he was doing that.<p>

There was a sudden sound from behind the curtains. The sound of metal object breaking off of something. Shortly after was the sound of the metal object being dropped, along with some quiet horrified whimpering noises.

And then there was the not-quiet horrified scream of pain and sheer horror. This scream was the kind of scream that signified that something horrible happened. And something horrible did indeed happen.

Foxy's robo-dick had broken off.


End file.
